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Well 2010 is marching on towards March, find out what you’ll be up to in the next month below!

Capricorn – This month you may experience some lower back pain. This is due to the arrival of the big dipper in Uranus. It’ll soon fade, so don’t let it get you down. A friend may disclose to you some rather sensitive information, at first you’ll be glad that your friend chose to trust you. However, don’t rush in to offer a hug straight away, advise them to get some antiseptic cream first. Luck knocks at door number 3, unless you live at number 3, in which case you will have probably lost your keys.

Aquarius – There is going to be so much going on in March, you won’t know what to do with yourself! Well pick one thing and see it through. Don’t try and spread yourself thinly over multiple things, like that butter you get in hotels, which is limited to one packet per person. While you are in this focused state you may not see whats going on around you, with family and friends. Oh well, don’t worry about it, it’s probably not that interesting anyway. They are probably just watching Glee.

Pisces – You will receive and unexpected call, from someone with an interesting offer. It sounds really good, but remember, these broadband providers don’t tell you about download limits unless you ask. Everyone you talk over the next few weeks may seem to be having more fun than you are, but don’t worry, they are dead inside. Seriously, these people are just trying to impress you, because they are not as cool as you are. Walk away from them and do that weird smug smile that Lucy Beale does in Eastenders. It’ll make you feel happier, and looks quite sexy.

Aries – “Love is in the Air” or should that be “Love is in the Aries”!! This month you are a love magnet and you are very aware of your polarity, but remember, magnetic polarity can flip at anytime. See wikipedia for more information. When your not fighting off offers of love from your partner, a sexually ambiguous friend or Big Sally, you will be in a philosophical mood. You will question everything over and over. Be aware, this will get very annoying for those around you. Especially if they are behind you in the queue at McDonald’s.

Taurus – You will be feeling quite sad at the start of the month, not to worry, its probably just because your upset about the whole Ashley and Cheryl thing. Try not to worry too much, they didn’t have kids and he’s a bit of a douche. To overcome this sad patch try to focus on your own partner for a bit, even if you cannot bear to look at them and their stupid face. Making up is hard to do, but its worth it in the end, especially if there is money involved. If you are single, focus on someone else’s partner. Luck points to the local branch of HSBC.

Gemini – Looks like your in for a bit of a weird month, you’ll be feeling like your up for anything, but when it comes to the execution, you’ll get tired easily. This is because your getting old, get over it. There ain’t nothing you can do about it. To distract yourself from this constant ageing, read a book or leaflet. In fact, a leaflet you read may hold to the key to an source of extra income. However, you should take the time to insure any gold you put in the post.

Cancer – You’ll start to see someone close to you in a completely different light, this could be due to an complex change in your emotions or due to the purchase of a low energy lightbulb. Those things take forever to come on, but your saving the planet. so its all good. You are a pretty content person this month, try not to get to smug.Smug people annoy me, oh and the stars. Over the last couple of weeks you will have been inspired to take up a new sport, this is probably due to the Olympics. Do it! Find yourself a tea tray and a sewage pipe and Luge away!

Leo – You are well known for having performance anxiety, and this month it might start to get the better of you if you don’t address it. Life is one big performance, and you will be judged at the end of it, when you are gone and not in a position to hear any criticism, so you know…who really cares what people think?! I don’t. Take time to moisturise this month, smooth skin makes you look healthier and helps you escape the grasp of sexual deviants.

Virgo – You probably feel as if you have spent loads of money this month, and you could do with reigning in the spending. Do it! Remember though, you need to spend money to make money, just not on big sandwiches and alcohol. You will probably get a bit bored this month, to overcome this why not get a pet? However pets do cost money, so get one of those rescued dogs or something like that. They are free and you’ll never really be sure whats going on in its head. This makes them cost effective and exciting, which is an unusual combination. A bit like a Tesco Value chocolate biscuit, dunked in someone else’s Absinthe.

Libra – Your soul feels empty this month, this could be because of a lack of love or simply due to the fact you are a soulless monster. Either way, it’s probably going to be a bit of a crap month.  To overcome this, pretend you are someone else. You may get an opportunity to try something new, don’t do it. It’ll give you the runs. Luck points to the colour blue, so wherever you see blue try and hang around there. Unless it is outside a hospital, you’ll probably just be in the way and end up getting arrested.

Scorpio – Sometimes it’s ok to cry, however sometimes it’s not. You may be doing a lot of crying in March. Remember though, tears can be joyful or  sad. In your case they seem to be joyful, you will be celebrating something. It could be pregnancy news or the purchase of a new carpet. The stars are surprisingly vague when it comes to detail. If you are male the onus will be on you to do some tidying up this month. Just do it, it’ll be worth it, you may well find some of your old porn before anyone else does.

Sagittarius – If you are going on holiday soon, you might feel like doing your hair differently. Remember though, if you don’t look like your passport photo, you’ll have issues. It’s the same with facial hair. As a tip, make sure you have a cleanly shaven picture in your passport, so if you do get a beard on, you can use biro to fill it in. If you are female and have facial hair, then your passport photo is not the most important thing you have to worry about. However, you will be treated as a goddess in certain european nations, so you might get an upgraded room. Every cloud.

Earlier this week, Google entered the social networking market with “Buzz”, which is basically an extension to Gmail that lets people do more “facebooky” type stuff. It’s all very nice, but you can’t help thinking they missed the bandwagon on this one. It seems that everyone is trying to produce the next big thing, and I think if you set out with that as your defined mission it’s never going to happen. The next big thing needs to come from nowhere – an idea scribbled down on a Starbucks napkin or a drunken conversation with friends.

With this in mind and to prove how easy it is, I set myself a challenge.

During BBC One’s ”The One Show” on Friday 12th February, I would have to come up with a basic outline for a social networking site, and produce some initial screenshots.

By the way, if you asked a professional company to do this, it would take weeks and they would charge like six million quid – I am doing this in half an hour (less if you count the time I got distracted by beautiful Christine Bleakley’s face), and I’m doing it for fun – that is how ace (or lonely) I am!

So here it is, my social networking site concept -

Finga - the next big thing.

Finga, is a social networking site that acts like a giant phone book. You don’t make friends, everyone who joins can see everyone, you don’t share photos, no one is interested in what your up to anyway (unless your Pixie Lott and you just so happened to be spending the day covered in ice cream), everything is text based – so its quick to load and all that.

Finga Screenshot

Finga also integrates with your mobile phone, so you can make calls using VOIP via Finga. This feature is called -

FingaRing - make calls using Finga.

Job done. Then I went to the pub.

It seems like product recalls are in fashion at the moment, especially in the automotive industry. However, there are now fears for the financial stability of Cupid, the Roman God of Love and Beauty after he was forced to issue an embarrassing recall just days before Valentines day.

The entity issued the following statement early this morning -

Cupid Statement

It has recently been announced than an old bar, located underneath the town hall in Evesham is up for sale. It’s been empty for years, and now the hope is that someone nice will make purchase and turn it into something ace, like an indie bar or KFC.

If I could, I’d buy it and set up a bar. How cool would that be? However, this is just a pipe dream, and one it seems that many of my friends share.

To this end, I have produced an advanced simulator that allows you to run your own bar in the old PJ’s. It is below.

(You need flash and speakers (that are switched on))

If you have been inspired by the simulator and want a go in real life read this.

Attention Legalists - Disclaimers -

This game contains samples from copyrighted audio recordings. It is believed that the use of this work qualifies as fair use under United Kingdom copyright law when used on shewy.co.uk, hosted on servers in the UK by the non-profit site shewy.co.uk, where:

1.the samples are being as background music to represent the historical context of the music;
2.the samples are stored in a way that cannot be duplicated by other forms of media;
3.the samples are short in relation to the duration of the recorded tracks and are of an inferior quality to the original recordings;

Images in this work are covered by a Creative Commons License.

…on my Fifa 10 career.

I am only a few games into my first FIFA 10 career, playing as Chelsea, however I have decided that in light of the recent allegations, I would pass on the captains armband to a more upstanding player.

So, I am pleased to announced, that the new Chelsea captain (on my Fifa 10 career) will be…

Myself.

I made me on create a player and I’m ace. I have stubble and everything.

I wish myself the best of luck as Chelsea captain (on my Fifa 10 career), and am looking forward to my next game, against Burnley, which might happen at some point in the next couple of nights, if I get chance.

Begin Science.

Yesterday, I like millions of other Apple customers received an email from Apple suggesting that I should make a purchase from the Apple store for Valentines day. Fair enough, I love Apple, I would be happy to receive an Apple product on Valentines day. However, having studied the prices of many items in said fruit based gadget store, I would have to be pretty seriously in love. I would have to love someone as much as Simon Cowell loves Simon Cowell. I would maybe consider bringing an iPod shuffle into the mix, if I was sure that I would get good return on investment.

I decided to then do some research, in the interests of all men. Don’t thank me.

I asked all of the women I know (4), how likely they would be to provide a good return on investment, based on which Apple product they received. I think we all know what I’m getting at when I say return on investment. For example, does an iPod Touch equal an iCan Touch?

Graphs are one of my unconditional loves, which is why there is one below, it shows the results of the research.

Graph to show percentage chance of some action based on the purchase of an Apple product as a Valentines day gift.

As you can see the iPhone is still a popular choice amongst the ladies when compared to similar spec iPods,  the Macbook Air also yields good results – it appears to have the same affect as around 5 Bacardi Breezers or a trip to a curtain shop. The XServe is considered to be “too geeky” and is about as attractive to women as a night in watching back to back Carmen Electra films. I also included the Amazon Kindle, the results weren’t good, you may as well turn up with some plywood and skiddy y-fronts.

The clear winner is the iPad, if you can get hold of one of these, you’re going to have the pulling power of Russell Brand and David Walliams combined on Valentines day. Well, unless she’s got hold of her other iPad, then not even Brad Pitt walking in naked, covering his John Thomas with said lightweight tablet PC would get any loving.

End Science.

Scottish singer Susan Boyle may have been snubbed by the Brit Awards this year, but she has been given special recognition by a Linux distribution.

Haggisnix is a Debian based distro, made by a group of developers from Glasgow, Scotland. In a remarkable step they have decided to rename the ‘sudo’ command to ‘subo’, in honour of the Britain’s Got Talent runner up. Head of the Haggisnix project Alistair McMuckerson said “we all love Susan and thought this would be a great tribute to her. Now when users want to run commands with higher privilege they have to use the subo command, rather than sudo. Users that are allowed to run this command have to first be added to the /etc/suboers file.”

Susan Boyle is believed by many to be a fan of open source operating systems, mainly Ubuntu but she has dabbled in Slackware.

subo ifconfig eth0 down

The command will appear in the next release of Haggisnix, out in a few weeks.