Your Horoscopes For March
Well 2010 is marching on towards March, find out what you’ll be up to in the next month below!
Capricorn – This month you may experience some lower back pain. This is due to the arrival of the big dipper in Uranus. It’ll soon fade, so don’t let it get you down. A friend may disclose to you some rather sensitive information, at first you’ll be glad that your friend chose to trust you. However, don’t rush in to offer a hug straight away, advise them to get some antiseptic cream first. Luck knocks at door number 3, unless you live at number 3, in which case you will have probably lost your keys.
Aquarius – There is going to be so much going on in March, you won’t know what to do with yourself! Well pick one thing and see it through. Don’t try and spread yourself thinly over multiple things, like that butter you get in hotels, which is limited to one packet per person. While you are in this focused state you may not see whats going on around you, with family and friends. Oh well, don’t worry about it, it’s probably not that interesting anyway. They are probably just watching Glee.
Pisces – You will receive and unexpected call, from someone with an interesting offer. It sounds really good, but remember, these broadband providers don’t tell you about download limits unless you ask. Everyone you talk over the next few weeks may seem to be having more fun than you are, but don’t worry, they are dead inside. Seriously, these people are just trying to impress you, because they are not as cool as you are. Walk away from them and do that weird smug smile that Lucy Beale does in Eastenders. It’ll make you feel happier, and looks quite sexy.
Aries – “Love is in the Air” or should that be “Love is in the Aries”!! This month you are a love magnet and you are very aware of your polarity, but remember, magnetic polarity can flip at anytime. See wikipedia for more information. When your not fighting off offers of love from your partner, a sexually ambiguous friend or Big Sally, you will be in a philosophical mood. You will question everything over and over. Be aware, this will get very annoying for those around you. Especially if they are behind you in the queue at McDonald’s.
Taurus – You will be feeling quite sad at the start of the month, not to worry, its probably just because your upset about the whole Ashley and Cheryl thing. Try not to worry too much, they didn’t have kids and he’s a bit of a douche. To overcome this sad patch try to focus on your own partner for a bit, even if you cannot bear to look at them and their stupid face. Making up is hard to do, but its worth it in the end, especially if there is money involved. If you are single, focus on someone else’s partner. Luck points to the local branch of HSBC.
Gemini – Looks like your in for a bit of a weird month, you’ll be feeling like your up for anything, but when it comes to the execution, you’ll get tired easily. This is because your getting old, get over it. There ain’t nothing you can do about it. To distract yourself from this constant ageing, read a book or leaflet. In fact, a leaflet you read may hold to the key to an source of extra income. However, you should take the time to insure any gold you put in the post.
Cancer – You’ll start to see someone close to you in a completely different light, this could be due to an complex change in your emotions or due to the purchase of a low energy lightbulb. Those things take forever to come on, but your saving the planet. so its all good. You are a pretty content person this month, try not to get to smug.Smug people annoy me, oh and the stars. Over the last couple of weeks you will have been inspired to take up a new sport, this is probably due to the Olympics. Do it! Find yourself a tea tray and a sewage pipe and Luge away!
Leo – You are well known for having performance anxiety, and this month it might start to get the better of you if you don’t address it. Life is one big performance, and you will be judged at the end of it, when you are gone and not in a position to hear any criticism, so you know…who really cares what people think?! I don’t. Take time to moisturise this month, smooth skin makes you look healthier and helps you escape the grasp of sexual deviants.
Virgo – You probably feel as if you have spent loads of money this month, and you could do with reigning in the spending. Do it! Remember though, you need to spend money to make money, just not on big sandwiches and alcohol. You will probably get a bit bored this month, to overcome this why not get a pet? However pets do cost money, so get one of those rescued dogs or something like that. They are free and you’ll never really be sure whats going on in its head. This makes them cost effective and exciting, which is an unusual combination. A bit like a Tesco Value chocolate biscuit, dunked in someone else’s Absinthe.
Libra – Your soul feels empty this month, this could be because of a lack of love or simply due to the fact you are a soulless monster. Either way, it’s probably going to be a bit of a crap month. To overcome this, pretend you are someone else. You may get an opportunity to try something new, don’t do it. It’ll give you the runs. Luck points to the colour blue, so wherever you see blue try and hang around there. Unless it is outside a hospital, you’ll probably just be in the way and end up getting arrested.
Scorpio – Sometimes it’s ok to cry, however sometimes it’s not. You may be doing a lot of crying in March. Remember though, tears can be joyful or sad. In your case they seem to be joyful, you will be celebrating something. It could be pregnancy news or the purchase of a new carpet. The stars are surprisingly vague when it comes to detail. If you are male the onus will be on you to do some tidying up this month. Just do it, it’ll be worth it, you may well find some of your old porn before anyone else does.
Sagittarius – If you are going on holiday soon, you might feel like doing your hair differently. Remember though, if you don’t look like your passport photo, you’ll have issues. It’s the same with facial hair. As a tip, make sure you have a cleanly shaven picture in your passport, so if you do get a beard on, you can use biro to fill it in. If you are female and have facial hair, then your passport photo is not the most important thing you have to worry about. However, you will be treated as a goddess in certain european nations, so you might get an upgraded room. Every cloud.