shewy.co.uk

The Internet is Almost Full

Web users around the world have started to receive shocking pop up messages, in what could be the most crucial few months in the history of the internet.

Time to get rid of some crap, but not shewy.co.uk.

It’s official, the internet is starting to run out of storage space. It is expected to be completely full in 2 months time, unless action is taken to reduce the amount of garbage clogging up cyperspace.

An extraordinary general meeting of several key figures from leading internet service providers took place on Thursday to discuss the issue. It was supposed to be Wednesday, however several ISPs turned up late after not travelling as fast as promised. After hours of heated discussion, it was decided that they would go for the cold buffet lunch and a new task force should be set up to deal with the problem of the untidy internet.

Internet Tidy Up Team

The new task force – ITUT, will spend hours constantly surfing the internet and deleting items deemed not important, pointless, stupid, not in the public interest or to do with Lady Gaga.

In fact, the team have been given a hitlist of top priority junk to target first. It was leaked to shewy.co.uk, by an angry Italian librarian. It has been reproduced below -

1. Irrelevant Facebook Groups, including those “can this spoon get more fans that Trevor McDonald” and “If 76,000 people join this group I will stick a chopstick up my arse” ones.
2. Fake ex girlfriend sites, set up with the pretence “my ex girlfriend sent me all these dirty pictures, now I have taken the time and effort to register a domain name, get a company number, set up a Payment System and a semi complex SQL back office system in order to elaborately reveal them to the world. That ought to teach her. Bitch.”
3. Myspace.com.
4. All the copies of “Two Girls, One Cup”. We’ve all seen it now. Burnt it to DVD. Upscaled it to 1080i. Watched it frame by frame.
5. Any Google search result for “Paris Hilton”. Unless its to do with the hotel.
6. Any information on the release date of Gran Tursimo 5. Most people have stopped caring now.
7. Internet Explorer 6 security updates. Talk about trying to put out an inferno with tears.
8. Information on “Soda Stream” gas cylinder replacement.
9. The contents of Tiger Woods Gmail account, in all this is estimated to be around 12 petabytes in size.
10. All 6 million variants of “Dramatic Chipmunk”.

ITUT have commenced operations and hope to have freed up several billion billion megabytes of space by the end of March. I was going to look up the exact unit that represents a billion billion megabytes, but the buggers have already deleted the Wikipedia article.